


Turtle Angst

by orphan_account



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Leo stop, Other, Raph is trying his best, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, You Better Watch Out, angst by teetlebros, baron draxmus is a total jerk, donnie wants to feel emotions, raph better watch out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-12 11:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18009932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Chapter 1: Being beaten by your older brother wasn't really a big deal to him, after all, it was his older brother and stronger than all of them so there was nothing to really expect; but when you're beaten by the younger that really hits you harder than you expect.----Chapter 2: "Has your family just been craving for truth that they keep a defect like this as the leader!" he managed to stand up again, he didn't care how much pain he was in; he just wanted to win this fight at least once. "Pops said I'm perfect the way I am..." He weakly said. Baron grinned. "Then he had low standards."





	1. Doctors And Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Angst prompt by teetlebros on Tumblr.  
> https://teetlebros.tumblr.com/

He just joined the training against his younger brother for fun not to end up wanting to defeat his younger brother in the end. Maybe he should have just stayed polishing his sword and not tried training against his younger brother and end up losing all his pride.

His younger brother had bested him at every skill they were challenged in speed, dodging, and even fighting; even fighting. He could never get over this, his younger brother was better than him; that was pathetic, he was just pathetic.

Mikey had pursed him into playing for video games, he had ended up winning; he'd seen Mikey play video games with him before and he always won at this one, he let him win. It wasn't fair, and he didn't like it, he wanted a victory that he achieved not after losing a battle and beating himself over it, he didn't want this. It was pathetic. And now he decided to play onto him beating him in the video game, pretending he had never won this video game at all. "That was crazy good Leo, you did a really awesome job!" He was just pretending that he didn't mean for him to beat him, he hated that he was getting pity; he didn't want pity he wanted actual victory.

"Knock it off Mikey, I know you let me win," Poison was laced in his voice, he could clearly tell his brother was lying; he never would have acted like that if he had lost in the video game he always won no matter what. Mikey started sweating and not making eye contact with him, another sign that he was lying. "W-What me? No! I-I'd- pffttt. Noooooooo." Leo reached for the remote and turned off the TV, he knew what he was doing next; the scars would start growing again after he tried to stop them from.

"You weren't even trying," He was about to get up until what Mikey said stopped him. "I'm sorry," He should be apologizing, he did nothing wrong; he never did anything wrong, only himself could do wrong. "I was trying to make you feel better." He shouldn't have said, Leo needed to escape this somehow, anything he said would work; he just didn't care at this point, he had already lost all of his pride so what's the point. "Greeaatttt, now you're even more mature than me."

"Leo-"

"You're supposed to be the rookie and now you're better than me at everything! Now I'm the worst brother." He had gotten up at this point, clear discomfort showing on his brothers face. "Wh-what?"

"Ugh! You know what I mean Mikey!"

"Uhhh, not really! I thought you guys wanted me to be strong an-and now I am, and you're mad at me?!" He had stood up at this point, he was mad. Leo stood up, angry as well. "No! I get mad at myself, that's the things I do! I get mad at myself, and then it makes me suck at everything I do even more!" Mikey sighed and reached out to put his hand on Leo's shoulder. "Leo-" He flinched away and started to leave to his room. "Leo what are you-"

"I wanna be alone, don't talk to me," He didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did but it had, he had made his baby brother sad and made him feel that he was responsible for this, he didn't want that, he never wanted it. 

He just wanted to stop the scars that grown every time that he went home, but no one had interfered so no one could get in his way here.


	2. Battle of Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Has your family just been craving for truth that they keep a defect like this as the leader!" he managed to stand up again, he didn't care how much pain he was in; he just wanted to win this fight at least once. "Pops said I'm perfect the way I am..." He weakly said. Baron grinned. "Then he had low standards."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having nightmares that sometimes won't allow you to sleep is one thing, but then getting put down from being beaten in battle by one of your own dads is another. They both suck big time.

They were just on a walk, all three of them; it was meant to just be a day off and a day to catch up with each other on things but with there luck it soon turned sour. Some huge mutant showed up and tried to attack them well actually tried to attack Mikey and April, Raph managed to get the upper hand by climbing up a tall building and defeated it. He fell off of the huge mutant onto the ground after he did, he wasn't injured at all; after all the mutant barley even put up a fight.

"Raph that was amazing."

"Woah... are you okay?"

Raph dusted off his shoulders and stood up. "Not a pretty win but I'll take it." 

"That was the mutant we fought two days ago," April said. "At least it looked like it was." She added. "I think you'd remember a face like that." "Well... There were two of them." Mikey added. "Two of them..." Raph knew this wasn't good, it was never good.

A loud explosion rang out behind them, they quickly looked in the direction; it was the turtle's dad, Baron Draxmus next to some huge mutant. "Turtles." His voice was laced with poison. "Baron!" Mikey squeaked out, Raph stood next to his weapons in hand. "Glad I found you, I've decided to build my own army than focus on defeating you, where's the rest of yours." They damn well had no army, it was just them and a human. Leo and Donnie were at home; Donnie needed to talk to Leo about something he had been doing to himself, he wasn't told what it was but apparently, it ended with Leo hurting himself in the end. 

"THERE NOT HERE RIGHT NOW!" Mikey shouted, Raph shushed him, that was kinda stupid to say. "So it's just all of you." 

"Doesn't matter! I'm gonna kick you're but, all by myself!" The huge mutant roared and charged towards them, Baron stayed in place from where he was. April dodged to the left and Raph pushed Mikey aside to the right. "I got Baron" He pointed towards the mutant. "You guys handle that dope." He ran off to confront Baron as April stood next to Mikey. Mikey pulled out his weapons and April pulled out hers. "Okay... We get a second chance at this." April muttered. "Just stay together," Mikey said.

```

"I came here to fight your father, not some runt." He wasn't a runt, he damn well knew that but at the same time, it's what he was always called when his nightmare ended; 'What a runt, can't even protect your own brothers from me. You and your brothers were meant to be as strong as me, but you couldn't. I don't know why anyone could have taken a runt like you in.' "You think you can keep showing up and picking fights with us?! Huh! Why don't you get a life!" His voice seethed with anger, he was going to win this fight against his dad no matter what. 

"Fighting is my life! It's what I was made to do, it was what you were made for to you runt." He was kinda ineffective by this, he didn't even know if that was true. "So? I've got other stuff going on..." His fist started to grow red with magical energy. "You can't tell whether I can fight or not, after all, I can fight JUST FINE!" He charged forward with the energy running through his veins, the momentum was soon stopped until his fist was caught by another, well, he was screwed. "Well then... Why don't we just about see about that? " (A/N: If you don't like fighting scenes then skip this part.)

His fist was pulled towards Baron and he then received a punch to the gut, he felt as if all teh air was knocked out of his lungs, he managed to catch his balance for a few seconds only to pelted by attack upon attack, he kept trying to keep his balance and fight back but he just couldn't.

'Weak, a weak runt like you should have never been allowed to fight; you're so pathetic.'

The attacks soon came to a stop, he weakly put out his arms to pull himself up, he wasn't going to lose as he had lost in his nightmares, he wasn't going to lose, brothers again; he'd be damned if he did. His body was throbbing in pain, he was pretty sure he had a couple of gashes and cuts but it didn't matter to him. Footsteps approached him, he looked up to see Baron Draxmus, he had a disappointed look on his face. "You are barely even trying, is that because you've already had accepted your just a failure. Your a mutant soldier just like me, just as strong as me, but you'll never be like me; won't you?" He laughed at what he said. "You're weak!" Raph weakly stood up, he wasn't going to lose; bad choice. This time it was a powerful kick to the chest that sent him back a few feet.

"Has your family just been craving for truth that they keep a defect like this as the leader!" he managed to stand up again, he didn't care how much pain he was in; he just wanted to win this fight at least once. "Pops said I'm perfect the way I am..." He weakly said. Baron grinned. "Then he had low standards."

'You're a failure, to you're family and your father. You were a defect that should have never been chosen to lead at anything.'

Raph growled and charged at Baron magical energy crackling in his fists. "You could have been strong like me." He stopped his fists with a hissing sound, he threw him up in the air with one kick. He plunged back down, he was going to land on his head, there was no doubt about it. "And this is what you've become instead."

CRASH.

"RAPHAEL!" Both April and Mikey screamed, pure terror on there face. This had never happened before.

Raph turned to look back. "Just a joke." He was hit in the head one last time and he was out like a light.

And that's exactly how his dream always ended except he didn't wake up after it happened like he usually did.

```

"MIKEY, WHAT'S GOING ON!?" Leo shouted. Mikey looked back in tears. "I-It's Raph he's-" Leo rushed towards him and pushed him out the way. "Not now the doctor's here!" Leo shouted, he was stressed, the leader could be dead and he could possibly be responsible if he didn't do something about it quick; he went to go check his pulse but only shot back in response when he got to close. 

Raph shot up. "April! Mikey! I'm back! Everythings gonna be..." He quickly looked around to see Baron gone, there were no enemies here. April and Mikey had beat both of them easily by themselves, he'd failed his job as a leader; he was a runt, and a failure like Baron said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter dudes.


	3. A Longing to Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was longing to feel something... Nothing had been working, he decided to give up altogether. His brothers wouldn't miss him after all he had done to them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donnie has a longing to feel emotions, but after everything he tried, he just decided to give up entirely; and decided to give them up then and there.

###### Warning: The Chapter contains content others might be sensitive to, readers discretion is advised.

He was numb, he didn't want to feel numb; he longed to feel some sort of emotion of any sort. Even if that meant doing things his brothers didn't want him to do or doing things others would deem "unforgivable" or "evil". Even after he had cut open one of his own kind to study the difference between both of their anatomy he felt no twinge of regret. It was abnormal for anyone to not feel regret but he didn't; it was strange to him that he didn't, he brushed it off. 

A little while later his twin brother had come to him with something he never even thought his brother would do or even admit to doing; he had been cutting himself over stress and many more things. He had come to tell him first since they were closer even though it seemed like they weren't they had always been. He had told him that he was scared to tell the others, Mikey had almost even found out; he had told him it'd be okay, and that he'd always be there for him. His twin hugged him and thanked him, he hugged him back in return, showing his twin he did care; but in reality, he had felt nothing.

He had gotten mad at Mikey and ended up lashing out on him, he wasn't going to apologize until he saw that his younger brother constantly avoided him, trying to not talk of even make eye-contact; he didn't care but he knew for the sake of his others brothers he'd apologize, and he did. Mikey had ended up forgiving him, he still felt nothing.

Raph had almost died before his eyes from a panic attack from one of their fights, he was lucky Leo was at the lair to help his brother when he had that panic attack or else something bad might have happened to him; he really didn't expect that kind of reaction out if brother but that was what he had gotten. He had spent the next day with his brother as a sort of apology even though it meant nothing to him.

No matter how hard he tried, how many fights he got into, how many experiments he did, nothing worked; he still felt nothing, all he had did was damage his relationship with his family more than it had already been damaged; he was sure they hated him. How could they not; he hurt them so much that it was impossible not to, he had decided that leaving entirely was better for the family and for all the damage he had caused.

The last thing he remembered doing was writing a note and leaving it on his bed with his purple jacket. His brothers woke up to not being able to find him but only a purple jacket and a note. He had turned up dead when they had found him, bones broken and eyes empty of any feeling. All he could remember was feeling one last thing as he jumped; terror, sadness, regret, and shame as memories of him and his brothers being a family flashed throughout his mind over and over as it felt as if time had slowed down to a snail's pace.

He had soon watched his brothers once his soul left his body, seeing them all so sad sunken into a deep despair, he felt said; and all it had taken for him to feel emotions was for death to come upon him, truly pituful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: A Panicked Scream  
> He wanted to scream but he didn't want to worry his brother, nor could he even scream; he felt as if he had no control over what he was doing.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I listen to My R. I'm glad all of you get the reference. :)


End file.
